G. Observing

In module one we talk about more observing. If you remember we observed ourselves as though we were at the movie theater watching ourselves on the screen. Try to spend some time doing this exercise from an objective standpoint. You are not judging here, only watching. What kind of destructive patterns do you see?

Can you view the two versions of yourself; the "healthy self" and the "bingeing self"? The healthy self is screaming orders at you to STOP BINGEING and the bingeing self is telling the healthy self where to go! What do your two "halves" say to you?

This is such a common thing to have a war between your two selves. It is a major part of the imbalance you feel which leads to guilt and shame and anger. Once these two halves get on the same team it will lessen. What are you feeling right now at this satge of the program after doing some of these exercises?

This is from Rob:

When you picture yourself on the movie screen in the middle of a binge episode, what do you see that person (you) doing? What does it look like to you as you watch yourself binge from a distance? I’ll give you my scenario and then you can try picturing yours again.



I am sitting alone in a Movie Theater and I am calm and not doing anything but sitting there. I’m going to watch the movie. I am watching the movie and it is me on the screen ahead of me and she is binging. I can see the person on the screen going into the bottom of the refrigerator and pulling out a cake that she hid under the vegetables. She eats the whole cake because she doesn’t want anyone to know she hid it in there and doesn’t want to get caught with it. She is sad and upset as she eats the cake and I can watch on the screen her getting more upset because she feels so guilty for eating the whole thing. Now she is really depressed and she is going into the cabinet for more food. She looks so lonely and scared. She can’t stop and she doesn’t seem to know what’s happening to her. But I am in the audience and I am perfectly fine as I watch her. I can see what is happening to her and I can view what she looks like as she binges.



So what I am doing is simply staying in a safe place, not doing anything but watching what I would look like in the middle of a binge. That is creating awareness as to what is happening to you when you binge. You can slow down your movie and really watch what is happening to you without judging. You are only viewing to learn…to become aware. There is nothing to judge about.



Sometimes when we binge we are so out-of-focus when we are in the binge that we don’t really understand what is happening to us. You can see the war going on as though it is happening to someone you are viewing and not yourself. At this point we are only becoming aware of what it looks like when we are binging. Now go ahead and see if you can just view yourself on your own screen having a binge episode while you are sitting quietly safe in the audience. You are only viewing, not judging. Can you identify what has triggered the binge you are watching yourself on the screen have? Is it hunger, feeling deprived, stress, an opportunity, feeling vengeful or trying to make yourself feel better? If you can’t identify it don’t worry. All we are doing is observing.